Picture Mary sitting at Jesus's feet absorbing everything He shared like a sponge. Pat Mullins, lay evangelist from the Oakland Diocese, filled many of us with the same kind of awe as we were reflecting with him on what it really means to die to self.
With enthusiasm, enhanced by the musical talents of Michael Hagerty and Carmella Cuva, we poured out our love for God in our praises and worship. In response, the Holy Spirit brought forth many a word for individuals and the assembly at large. In our small groups we went over the pamphlet "Died with the Lord, Dead to Self" by Watchman Nee. What a gorgeous place for small groups to huddle together! The rose garden, the terrace, the gazebo, and many other peaceful settings, were ideal. The bell in the tower of the beautiful chapel beckoned us twice during the weekend to truly spirit-filled liturgies presided over by Father Tom Foster. When he teaches from the Scripture what previously seemed clouded suddenly is illuminated. For quiet adoration of the blessed Sacrament, the small chapel lent a special charm.
On Sunday there came opportunity for some to share what this experience meant to us. The young lady who just joined the renewal two months ago exclaimed "I found Jesus!" Another believer who has been experiencing this since the late seventies, put it this way: "We're all struggling to give to Jesus Lordship. When we come together, we encourage one another because we realize that it's normal to struggle and we realize that God will get the job done." This weekend I finally figured out why Pat Mullins' teaching, which turned my life around six years ago during a Life in the Spirit seminar, has such a profound impact on me. For every minute detail, of everything he says and does, he consults with our Lord making sure he always carries out His will.
Ahah! That's what dying to self means; to be so in tune with Jesus and the will of the Father, without trying to take control with my intellect! (God is a lot smarter than I anyway.) I not only need to die to my sinful self but also to my good qualities and talents. This eliminates any pride on my part; the glory is all His! No wonder I felt like I was sitting at Jesus's feet this weekend! Alleluiah!
Printed in the September 1993 issue of the "Living Water." Published for the Charismatic Renewal in the Diocese of San Jose, California. Permission to copy is granted, as long as proper credit is given.
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