About 7 or 8 months before this time, St. Mary's parish started perpetual adoration. The church did a good job of recruiting and as a result has had a great commitment to the perpetual adorationof our God! Angie, my wife, attended and still attends every Tuesday for 1 hour from 10:00 to 11:00 in the evening. I took her place once, but did not make the commitment to go every week like she did. I wanted to but lacked the drive that she and others had. Besides, I always had a problem praying for more than 2 or 3 minutes.
The night I took her place, I basically requested one thing. I prayed "Lord, make me a better Christian". At that time, my prayers were always mental and usually consisted of the same messages and requests. However, since I was wanting to become a better Christian, I attended church more often than I had been. I also paid much closer attention to the sermons than I had in the past.
Then winter came. This is the time I usually slack off and don't go to church as much as I should since I like to hunt. However, this year I made a commitment to go to church and worship every week. That Christmas I witnessed one of the most beautiful Christmas masses ever! Father Miles did an absolutely great job, the choir sang beautifully, and the spirit of the people attending was very joyful. It was wonderful!
The season of Lent came and Angie and I decided to attend the Life in the Spirit seminar that Father Miles was giving at St. Mary's. The first weeks meeting was on March 4th. The theme was God's Love through Jesus Christ. I really enjoyed it and was consumed with his talk. Father Miles did an excellent job.
Everyone attending the seminar received a little booklet that focused on the weeks theme with scripture readings (John 1 & Col 1). As directed I read this booklet and the assigned scripture readings every night but one. The day after the night that I missed I felt very sad and sorry that I had done that.
At the next meeting (March 11, 1993), I was all pumped up to hear more good preaching from Father Walsh. That night Father Walsh started our meeting by singing a song in Latin that called for the Holy Spirit. Although I saw the English translation on the board in the front of the room, I really wondered whether this was going to help any. Even though skeptical, I sang along anyway. After we sang several verses, we stopped singing and someone turned out the lights. The only lights lit in the room were two dim lights shining over two of the church ladies that had begun singing a song about repenting for our sins and the light from the candles that were lit around the big wooden cross in the front of the room.
While these ladies sang, the rest of us (about 150 people), prayed silently to Jesus for forgiveness of our sins. At that point I started feeling the weight from years of unconfessed sins. Sure I had been a good person, but I had never really had a good confession to cleanse my soul. I prayed hard that God would forgive me of all these sins I was remembering. As the ladies sang, the song reminded me of more and more sins that I had forgotten. The more I remembered, the more sorry and regret I felt.
The ladies stopped singing and there was a quiet moment for us to pray some more silent prayer. By this time I was thinking of sins I had long since forgotten and the more I asked for forgiveness the more sins I remembered. I soon was thinking of past sins faster than I know I am possible of recalling. Thoughts of sins were rushing by me at an unreal rate. Someone else was showing me things in my past and I was begging forgiveness. My thoughts then began slowing back down. Slower, slower, slower then finally the last sin I asked forgiveness for was for being lazy in my faith. "In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, AMEN."
I felt a light feeling come over me. I knew it was the Holy Spirit and I was elated he had come. Then just as quickly as he came he started to leave and this upset me. I wanted him to stay because I didn't think he would ever come back again.
You see the Lord had touched me before when I was in high school and I sprained my ankle very badly. Normally to a teenager, spraining an ankle would not be a big deal, but I was on the basketball team and I couldn't play (not even walk) with an ankle hurt as bad as that one was. But when I went to trade school that week, Mr Ted Robinson saw me on crutches and approached me asking if I would let him pray for me and ask God to heal my ankle. I said yes. Go ahead. (What did I have to lose?)
He took me into his office and called in a friend of his to pray with him. They put some oil on my ankle and began to pray for God to heal me. My ankle got very hot and then suddenly I could feel no pain in my ankle. I walked out of that office carrying my crutches in my hands. Jesus had healed me and I knew it. No medicine, no pain, no nothing. Just the love of the Holy Spirit.
I played basketball through the rest of the season. We won the state championship that year. My life changed then, but I didn't take Jesus to my heart. I didn't really allow Jesus in my life. Sure he had healed me, but I was still searching for "the fun in life", you know "the gusto". I did whatever I wanted to do and whatever my mind told me was ok (even though deep down I thought it might be sinful) I deemed it good. Sure a big part my principles were close to God's, but I guess a good way to put it was I wanted to win the state championship of fun. The desire of the flesh still had a hold on me.
Let's go back to the Life in the Spirit seminar. Here I sat in prayer after just feeling the touch of God for the first time in 16 years. Believe me I knew I wanted Jesus in my life from here on. I screamed internally very loudly and literally cried inside, "Don't go!". Nothing happened.
At that point I realized what I needed to do and I shouted inside again but using different words, "I open my life to you!" BOOM! I got what I will refer to as "coated". I nearly fell out of my chair. I basically could not move and really did not want to. I had no control of what I was going through. I felt an indescribable feeling of love peace and understanding that I had never known. The best way to describe this is like a breath of life being blown in me from my head to my feet. I was in the Lords hands and he had all my attention. My palms heated up as I sat there in his grace. I lost all track of time. Words cannot describe what I felt. What I had previously thought love felt like had no comparison to this.
After a while he put these words in me. "I have something I want you to do." I really sensed that something big was getting ready to happen. And what the Lord wanted me to do was in preparation to this. I did not care what it was. I would do it.
He began to leave again. This time it didn't bother me that he was leaving. I knew all my sins were forgiven and I was loved. I knew he would later reveal to me what I needed to do. I felt very clean. I felt prepared for death. I knew and still know Jesus is waiting for me. Again, words really do my testimony no justice.
At this time the lights came on in the room and I looked around. Jill (my sister in law) looked at me and immediately asked me, "What happened to you?". All I could do was smile as I told her I would tell her later.
After our gathering was over, I told Angie and Jill what happened to me. They were very happy for me. Jill took Angie home and I went straight to Father Walsh for my first confession as stated in the book of James. Not that I wasn't forgiven my sins. I knew I was. I felt brand new. But I knew I had to do this. I went eye to eye. It felt very right to do this and I had no problem confessing my sins to him. Of course I could not remember one tenth of the sins I had just thought of an hour earlier, but it was good nonetheless.
Since then, I have not been able to put the Bible down. I read it practically every day. I am the same person yet I am not. My life is totally changed and I now see things in a different light. My life has a strong sense of direction. I pray to Jesus Christ that I will never forget this experience and that I never play down the effect this has had and is still having on me.
Lord please remind me!
Gene Fulmer has been a member of the Diocesan Service Committee for the past two years and a member of the St Mary's prayer group in New Roads. Gene, his wife Angie and their children are a wonderful example and witness to many people.
Reprinted, with permission, from the newsletter for the Catholic Charismatic Renewal in Baton Rouge, LA
© 1998 Catholic Charismatic Center